Happy Fun Land Fragments, circa 2000-2001

These pieces are what remain of the content of earlier Happy Fun Land sites, cobbled together from the archives of The Guardian, Double O, and Ethan Michael Crane.


IMAGES

"Here Comes Dave" Gif Animation....................
NES Wrestlemania Altered Screencap....................


"MEAT ROCKS" PAGE

Meat Rocks was a parody page, made to look like a PETA vegan activist page circa 2000 but with a very different message. This page actually may have been the origin of the address name "kickacat."


BT DIRECT

The following are transcripts from prank conversations had with BT Direct, a free British phone operating service that in 1999 and 2000 was able to be reached by dialing 1-800-445-5667. Apparently, this was a favorite place to prank call as the operators couldn't hang up on a caller. At some point, however, operators were able to place a person on hold.


CONVERSATION ONE

FEMALE OPERATOR: Hello, BT Direct. How may I direct your call?

FUN LEADER BOB: *quietly muttering* Ohhh no. Ohhhhh noo.

FEMALE OPERATOR: Hello, ma'am? BT Direct, how may I direct your call?

FUN LEADER BOB: *still muttering* Ohhh no...did a bad...ohhh noo...

FEMALE OPERATOR: Ma'am, is there a problem with which I can assist you?

FUN LEADER BOB: *loudly* I just put the kitty in the microwave and his head went boom! *maniacal high pitched laughter*

FEMALE OPERATOR: That's disgusting! *places FUN LEADER BOB on hold*

*hangs up*


CONVERSATION TWO

MALE OPERATOR: Hello, BT Direct. How may I direct your call?

FUN LEADER BOB: *yelling* Hello! Hello!

MALE OPERATOR: Hello. How may I direct your call?

FUN LEADER BOB: Hello! Who am this?!

MALE OPERATOR: *silent for a few seconds* Excuse me?

FUN LEADER BOB: Hello! Who am this?! Infidel?!

MALE OPERATOR: Look, if this is another pra--

FUN LEADER BOB: You are racist! Who am this? You are racist!

MALE OPERATOR: What? No! I'm not--

FUN LEADER BOB: You are racist! I must speak with manager!

MALE OPERATOR: Sir, I'm sorry, this is a misunder--

FUN LEADER BOB: I wage the jihad on you, infidel! *anytime the operator attempts to speak* Halalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalah!

MALE OPERATOR: I'll get the manager right away. *places FUN LEADER BOB on hold*

*hangs up*


CONVERSATION THREE

MALE OPERATOR: Hello, BT Direct. How may I direct your call?

SPANKY MCGEE: *slurring speech* Hello?

MALE OPERATOR: Hello. How may I direct your call?

SPANKY MCGEE: *pauses a moment, speech still slurred* Who is this?

MALE OPERATOR: BT Direct. How may I direct your call?

SPANKY MCGEE: *slurring speech* Why'd you call me?

MALE OPERATOR: Sir, you called us.

SPANKY MCGEE: *slurring speech, speaking louder* Is this some kind of prank? MALE OPERATOR: No, sir, this is BT Direct. You called us. Now how may I direct your call?

SPANKY MCGEE: *yelling, speech still slurred* Do you have any idea what time it is, slap-nuts?

MALE OPERATOR: *sighs, places SPANKY MCGEE on hold*

*hangs up*



FRICKIN' CHICKEN

The following are lyrics from four songs by the band Frickin' Chicken, which was headed by Fun Leader Bob, Spanky McGee, and Captain Strong.


PADDLE-BOAT KEN KEN

[The first 8 seconds of The Hamster Dance is sampled on repeat for about three minutes while the following lyrics are repeated in a falsetto]

Paddle, paddle, paddle-boat. Hahahaha! Paddle?

[At the end of those three minutes, there's a five second silent pause, followed by the following lyrics slowed down x2]

Paddle-Boat, where are you?


PEPSI MACHINE: DEATH METAL REMIX featuring Humpy Llama on vocals

[A Pepsi vending machine is hit repeatedly like a drum while the following lyrics are repeated in a deep, death metal scream for about a minute]

Pepsi machine! Pepsi machine!

[After a minute, a guitar riffs a few chords of "In the Hall of the Mountain King", followed by deep pulsating bass for the finale as the following lyrics are death metal screamed]

Pepsi...oh, it's a pepsi machine...!


BIG HEAD

Big Head's looking through the garbage (x3)

Because he is Big Head.

Big Head's homework was thrown away (x3)

Because Big Head is dumb.

Big Head's going to hang himself (x3)

Because he failed his class.

[somber] Big Head's no longer looking through the garbage...

Because Big Head...

[chipper] Is dead!


BAHIGE, aka THE SONG OF THE EGGMAN

There goes Bahige on his camel

Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo

Spitting out his tooth enamel

Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo

[A guitar riffs a few chords of "In the Hall of the Mountain King"]

[spoken] It is Bahige...!



THE JIZZ BEFORE CHRISTMAS

The following is one stanza from a parody of "The Night Before Christmas" that Captain Strong posted on the Planet Namek message boards back during the Christmas season of 2000, as remembered by Ethan Crane. The rest, sadly, is lost.


THE PREMISE

"Captain Strong prepares to watch a VHS porno and masturbate when Spanky McGee lands on his roof. Accompanied by eight tiny pornstars (with names like "Bubbles" and "Mercedes"), Spanky McGee and Captain Strong proceed to engage in sexual intercourse with each of them."


THE STANZA

I sat down in my chair and grabbed hold of my sack,

And had just settled in for a long winter's jack.



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