Why are the Senshi going to hell?

I'm happier than a faggot with a bag of dicks that you asked that question. As you've no doubt noticed, I've numbered each scout. This will make it easier for me to tell you why each one is going to hell.

• 1. Sailor Neptune - She's a lesbian. The God of the Hebrews looks down on homosexuals.
• 2. Sailor Uranus - Like Neptune, she's a lesbian. Tastes great, less filling!
• 3. Sailor Saturn - Oh, I don't know, maybe it's because she's the fucking ANTI-CHRIST?!
• 4. Sailor Pluto - Not only does she fuck around with time, but she also lusts after Darien (deadly sin #5).
• 5. Chibi Chibi Moon - She's not human. If she's not human, then she's a demon. Demons go to hell.
• 6. Sailor Jupiter - Jupes here is a bisexual, so only half of her is going to hell. Once God decides that she's a bitch, the other half will join her.
• 7. Sailor Mercury - Mercury just doesn't have a clue. She believes more in science than in the Almighty. Therefore, she fries.
• 8. Sailor Mars - Mars is a bitch. That and she has had a secret affair with Jupiter...How do I know? Because Double O fucking told me, okay? Plus that whole "Magic Fire Reading" thing only serves to anger the God of the Hebrews.
• 9. Sailor Venus - Whore Alert! Whore Alert!
• 10. Chibi Moon - She's the daughter of a vampire and the false messiah. That and she had sex with Wiseman as Wicked Lady (again, Double O told me).
• 11. Sailor Moon - The False Messiah herself. God doesn't like people parading around as HIS chosen, especially when they're really Lucifer herself.
• 12. Tuxedo Mask - He's a vampire, a bastard of Caine himself. He deserves to fry.
• 13. The Sailor Stars (Not Pictured) - They're transexuals. Again, it's against God's law to change the sex HE gave you.