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Worst Showerhead in the World

I've noticed that a lot of people have the misguided idea that blasting water at your skin with enough pressure to take down a mountain gorilla is the same thing as a massage.  Seriously, check it out:

Here's what actually happened the first time I tried to use the damned thing:

I later tied my head back on with a towel.

Jets of water squirt from all directions in hot tubs, and in foot baths, attempting to simulate the action of human contact.  What does it actually feel like?  Nothing but squirts of water.  I don't know about you, but my brain certainly isn't fooled into thinking, "HOLY SHIT THERE'S A 13-FINGERED MASSEUSE RIGHT BEHIND ME!"

Even more puzzling is when furniture companies bury a vibrating motor somewhere inside your chair, and call it a "massage" feature.  Do you enjoy the ass-numbing sensation of driving over an unfinished highway?  Me neither.  I see the same thing with those ridiculous coin-operated vibrating foot-platforms found in malls and amusement parks.  For the low, low price of $2, you can sit down on this comfortable chair for a minute while we destroy all remaining sensation you have in your toes.

Does anyone enjoy this crap?  Just accept the fact that machines and blasts of water can't solve your discomfort.

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