Double O: Welcome to the Double O Arena! I am the host, Double O, and today we've got a great fight for you. One of my friends laid out a challenge to a character from J.R.R. Toliken's Lord of the rings, so I've decided to host this battle, but to be fair, I've evened the playing field. But, before I introduce the combattants and display what the evener is, I'd like to introduce the guests today. The guest referee is, once again, Sephiroth!

Sephiroth: I've brought my Black Materia here, too.

Double O: Well, I can cast Holy, so we're even on that front. But now I've got to find that damn guest commentator.

*somebody knocks at the announcer's booth door*

Double O: Who is it?

Knocker: Sausage Mahoney.

*Brak enters and sits next to Double O*

Double O: And here's the guest commentator, BRAK!

Brak*singing*: Friendship, is like an ointment. When you've been stung by fifty bees, no matter where you get it, you'll always feel better, because it's a topical analgesic!

Crowd: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Double O: How right you are, Brak. Now time to see meet the combatants!

Legolas!
he's an elf. They rule all in LotR.

VS.

Cruton!
America's Favorite Bran-Muffin firing Bird-thing!

Legolas: What the hell am I fighting? I need to know so I can determine the speed I can beat him in and which weapon would be best suited for the job.

Cruton: Stupid Elf...*Shoots bran muffin at Legolas*

Sephiroth: Um... Head towards the two rather highly raised doors that are near the entrances and sit in them. If you don't, *brandishes his Masamune* he he he...

Legolas: Even though I could easily kick your white-haired behind, I will comply.

Cruton: *shrugs and gets inside*

Brak: Hey, do I get one of those doors?

Crowd: NO!

Double O: Well, time to reveal what this special leveling objects. And they are...

GUNDAMS!

Brak: OOOOH! What's that? *Points to Legolas's gundam*

Double O: That's the original Gundam

If Amuro Rey were piloting, this would be a rather good fight. But he isn't, so this should be rather one-sided

Brak: And what's that? *points to Cruton's Gundam*

Double O: That's the Rose Gundam

The Rose Gundam is perfect gundam for those who like to fence and/or use bran muffins as weapons

Brak: And what's THAT!

Double O: That's a cake

Brak: I like cake. Is it for me?

Double O: Please, eat it all.

Sephiroth: Okay, let's fight! And if you step on me... *Brandeshes Masamune again*

Legolas: Well, i'm not used to this, but elves are good at everything, so this shouldn't be that hard. *Starts to walk forward, and pulls out his beam saber, and goes into a ready stance*

Cruton: Hey, pretty boy, you got some god-given ability to handle this?! *pulls out beam foil and slashes the wrist mechanics of the RX-78, shutting them down*

Brak: Look at the sparks! They remind me of potatos!

Double O: Um... How??????

*Brak starts to sing about potatos, while Legolas pulls out other beam saber with his functional hand*

Cruton: Where's your elvin almightyness now, bitch? *Slashes the other wrist's motors, then knocks the sabers out of the hands*

Legolas: Well, I guess I have to use my bow and arrow.

Sephiroth: NO BOWS AND ARROWS! Unless your gundam came with them, which I can tell you it didn't, you can't use it. Now if you manage to repair your suit, grab a beam rifle, and fire it before, oh, I can get Meteor to fall, You'll be set.

Double O: Well, that's a strech, even for a Toliken Elf.

Legolas: Elven comrades! Help me!

*A bunch of elves come out from nowhere and try to get to the RX-78. Sephiroth kills each and every single one of them*

Sephiroth: I expected more from these cocky bastards.

Brak: Can we go to Fishpockets later?

Zorak: How about I kill you?

Cruton: You Anglo-Saxon bishonian, you...You are now my bitch. *Spits and slices the RX-78 in half, then grabed Legolas, since he was able to dodge the beam foil attack by diving out of the suit moments before the suit was slashed. Brak and Zorak run out of the anouncer's booth and to Thundercleese's house*

Double O: Damn, that elf has better moves than I do. I would have been toasted by that beam. I'd survive, but I'd be toasted.

Sephiroth: So, Bird-thing-guy, whatcha gonna do with that cocky bastard-man?

Cruton: I'm gonna sell him to a Chinese whore house, since he is now my bitch.

Legolas: I will just escape and defeat you with my bare sword-laiden hands.

Double O: Are you kidding? Nobody escapes from China! Not even ME!

Legolas: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOO
*Gasps for air* OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Fades as he is carried out of the stadium by Cruton, who is still piloting the Rose Gundam*

Sephiroth: And the winner is...

CRUTON!


Yes, America's favorite bran-muffin emitting bird thing wins! All is good for this guy, who has shown why Toliken elves are the cockiest pieces of crap ever to be in a fantasy story. That doesn't mean that LotR is bad. No, it just means that the elves are rather too strong. That is why you should stay away from Toliken elves, unless you happen to have a giant robot on you, then you will own them.
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