"Mike P Meets Sailor Moon"

By Mike P.

"Cruising on a star, going ‘round town, cruising on a star, I ain't going down..." sang Mike P as he sped across the stars on his Warp Star, "Man, it's good to take a break after that hat-losing fiasco... Nothing can go wrong..."

Then the star malfunctioned and started going at light speed. Mike P was shocked, and then hung onto the star for his very life. He could feel his face peel over his gums, and his hat stretching at his head to come off. But, he remained strong, and the Warp Star ran out of fuel. Mike P sighed, and then realized that without fuel the star couldn't remain in the air. He sighed again, this time out of anger and sadness, and his star fell to the planet below which Mike P recognized as Earth...

***

In the park below, unaware of their impending doom, a child played with three cats. The child looked up to see a falling star.

"Oh wow! A falling star-" she said as it smashed into her and the three cats.

Mike P hopped from the star, and kissed the ground. He stood up, and thought about how bad the ground tasted. Then he saw that blood was on the ground, he looked at his star, and gasped. He had killed a child and three cats! The cats were no loss to him, but the child... he would have to recite the Eror Sox Lancet before anyone found out she was gone...

"Hey you! Where did she go?" said a blond girl in a short skirt, which was rippling this way and that due to the fact that the girl was flying. Normally Mike P would like this, but he sensed danger.

"Um, Sailor Moon, he has blood on his lips..." said a blue-haired girl, "And I can see Chibi's crushed remains under that star. I think he mashed her up and ate her."

"What is he?" said yet another long-legged, short-skirted girl, with black hair, "He looks gross! Like a..."

"Like a what?" said all several other girls simultaneously.

"LET ME FINISH MY SENTENCE, YOU STUPID BITCHES! HE LOOKS LIKE A NEGAVERSE MONSTER!" said the black-haired girl.

"Oh..." said the blond, most likely Sailor Moon judged Mike P, since he heard the blue-haired girl refer to her by that name, " I guess we have to kill him now, huh?"

"Wait! Why are you going to kill me! I did nothing wrong on purpose!" said Mike P, trying to get the blood off his face."

"I AM SAILOR MOON, AND BY THE POWER OF THE MOON, I WILL PUNISH YOU!" yelled Sailor Moon furiously, as she powered up an attack of some sort. But by the time she finished, Mike P was dashing out of the park, blood finally off his lips.

"Uh, Usagi, he ran off..." said the black-haired girl.

"THEY AREN'T SUPPOSED TO DO THAT, MARS! THEY NEVER DO THAT! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" said Sailor Moon.

"He did this time... let's go stomp his fluffy butt into the pavement." said Mars.

***

As Mike P ran through the streets, people screamed. They were scared of him! This would undoubtedly lead to more trouble along the line... And what's with those schoolgirls? Flying and all, with legs too long to be in any way anatomically possible. It wasn't right... He needed to figure out what the secret fuel was... so he could get back to his resort... his thoughts were interrupted by a rose flying past his face.

"What the heck?"

"Little green man, you have committed a terrible deed, one worthy of attention by Tuxedo Kamen!"

"Who's Tuxedo Kamen? Is he a penguin?"

"No... I am Tuxedo Kamen..." said the man, as he smiled with a *tink* in his smile.

"You throw floral. Am I supposed to get hay-fever or something?"

"My roses are more than floral, you miscreant of the Negaverse!"

"The Negawhat!?" said Mike P, as a rose pegged him in the forehead. He fell unconscious just as the Senshi flew up to Tuxedo Kamen.

"Yay! He beat the little monster thing! I love you, Tuxedo Kamen!" said Sailor Moon as she prepared to "reward" him in her own special way. Luckily, she was stopped and restrained by two more Sailor Scouts, namely the green-haired Neptune and the dark-blond Uranus.

Tuxedo bowed, and walked over to the unconscious Mike P.

As Tuxedo Kamen walked up to the green man, he put his foot on him. He opened his mouth, meaning to say the following: "As we all know, aliens are bad. Especially Mexicans, for they are a minority. And ones that come down from the heavens on a star peacefully and are attacked by the Senshi due to the fact that they are different. And that is why aliens are bad." But all he said was "Whoa" because Mike P sucked him up.

Then Mike P underwent a pretty standard transformation: As Tuxedo Mask's power flowed through him, various bits of his appearance popped up on Mike P. This process took a matter of moments, and the Sailor Scouts were in awe. Even though he had absorbed Tuxedo Kamen, Mike P retained his own personality.

"Now, girls... I will show you why you should never, ever, ever make me angry."

"Did that thing just eat Tuxedo Kamen?"

"Yeah... and now he looks like Tuxedo Kamen, too..."

Meanwhile Sailor Moon, who was still under the impression that this was Tuxedo Kamen and he had just happened to learn how to absorb things, attempted to reward Tuxedo Mike P. He saw this and threw a rose at her skirt, which stuck there and made it really hot, instantly burning a rose imprint on it. Being the idiot she is, Sailor Moon tried to take off the rose, and it tore off part of her shirt with it. Now her left hip was exposed, and Mike P would have normally like this, too, but he was pissed. And he was in danger due to this girl. So he chucked a rose at her hair, and it caught fire. One of the other Senshi put it out with some bubble power, so Mike P started chucking roses indiscriminately across the Senshi's line. Eventually they were all too upset to try to fight back, so Mike P ran off to hide and devolop a plan.

***

Mike P was huddled in the corner of a building. He had to figure out what the fuel for his star was... then he got hungry. Since it was morning, he felt a craving for McDonald's, but there were no McDonald's in this forsaken place. So he thought hard about something to eat, in a hope that it would materialize... cereal, pancakes, oatmeal, donuts... then the image of Sailor Moon's bare hip came back to him. He tried to dismiss it, but it covered his mind much like a pig is covered in mud. Then it struck him... bacon grease was the fuel for his star! All he had to do was go to a local restaurant and get some... He looked out the window and saw a little diner. He might as well start his search there...

***

"I can't believe that guy burned out clothes off!"

"And he ate Tuxedo Kamen!"

"Uh, he also did something to Chibi."

Sailor Saturn tried to get the butter knife so she could end her life.

"Oh yeah... I think he's smarter than our normal enemies. And more powerful... he did have the sense to run off during Usagi's stupidly long battle cry."

"Hey! I like my battle cry! WAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!"

"Oh, shut up you stupid bitch. I don't know why I still hang out with you..."

"You don't like me?" said a red-faced Usagi, "But... but... WAAAAAAAAHHH!!!"

"See what you've done, Mars? Saturn, put down that butter knife! For the love of..."

Then Tuxedo Mike P walked into the diner.

***

Both parties looked at each other. First, with confusion. Then shockedness. Then utter rage.

"I AM SAILOR MOON, AND BY THE POWER OF THE MOON, I WILL PUNISH YOU!" yelled Sailor Moon furiously, as she powered up an attack of some sort. But by the time she finished, Tuxedo Mike P had dashed into the back, stolen some bacon grease, and was headed out the door. This time, however, Sailor Moon succeeded in hitting him with some sort of blast.

"Ow! You... you..." quivered Mike P, as he fumbled to regain his prize. He turned around, powered up his plasma blast, and just as he shot, so did Sailor Moon. As the shots hit, the diner exploded. When the rubble cleared, the Senshi and Tuxedo Mike P were relatively unharmed, but their color had turned several different shades of gray and their mouths were wide open. Then Tuxedo Mike P felt a large sweatdrop fall from him. He had been turned into an anime character by that blast somehow. Meanwhile, the Senshi were now human, anatomically correct and, one may say, very hot.

"What the heck?" said Mike P with very exaggerated motions, then his eyes bulged out and became normal again.

The Senshi looked at each other. A few looked at each other several times, and then leapt on each other. One, whom was once known as Sailor Mars, took advantage of this situation... The girl once known as Sailor Mars walked seductively up to Mike P, who's face turned red, eyes turned to hearts, and little hearts fluttered around him. She then kicked him in the back, his mouth grew to twice his body size, and he let out a bloodcurdling scream.

"Take that!" She said in a very nice voice.

"Ow!" yelled Mike P, "That hurt!" he said as he rubbed his head which had grown a huge, pulsing, disgusting bump.

Then Mike P, overcome with his raging Anime hormones, jumped on the very hot Mars and started kissing her. After a few minutes, Mars became overcome with her teenage girl hormones and she kissed back, which shocked Mike P, and reverted things back to the way they were. Mike P, still on top of Mars, looked at her, surprised, and Mars said, "Continue, please!" This shocked Mike P even more and he backed off her and ran towards the park. He felt dirty, but in a strangely good way.

The Sailor scouts, still stunned at the turn of events, soon followed. They reached the park as soon as Mike P finished pouring the bacon grease in. They prepared to blast him, except Sailor Mars, and Mike P spit Tuxedo Kamen back at them, avoiding Mars for an odd reason. Most of them fell, and Mike P hopped back on the star and started taking off.

Sailor Mars looked longingly at him, and said "What is your name?"

"My name is Mike P, and don't you forget it!"

"I won't!" said Mars with a bright smile, "I'm Mars! I'll never forget you, Mike!" Then she blew him a kiss.

Mike P felt odd, and then smirked and blasted off. Mars looked up at the tiny speck until it disappeared, and then she turned around to her comrades and said, "I'm gonna miss that little guy... I think I love him..."

The other Senshi looked at each other while Sailor Moon rewarded Kamen. They shrugged, and then they left Mars to watch her "new friend" fly away.

***

Mike P landed his star on a moon halfway between his world, the Mushroom World, and the Senshi's world. He walked into an old-fashion convienent store there and went immediately to the mouthwash isle. He took a bottle to the counter...

"Well, if it isn't Mike P. How are you today? Been battling anyone?" said a Mushroomian who looked like Toad, only older and with facial hair.

"Yep, George."

"Who was it this time?"

"Some super-powered schoolgirls."

"I see..."

"And this one guy... I swallowed him, and got his power."

"As always. It's how I sell all my mouthwash..."

"Yeah, but this guy didn't taste as good as the other things I've absorbed..."

"How so? Did he taste bad because of the schoolgirls? Is my Mike P growing up?"

"NO! What are you talking about, George? It's just that... well..."

"Spit it out, son."

"Man, that guy tasted really fruity..."

THE END... or is it?

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