Tribute to Ryan Harlow
(aka Tabris)
1981-2000

I cannot begin to express how I feel about this tragedy...
It's not really fair what happened to him.
This is the first time I've lost a friend...
And even though I didn't know him IRL,
he was still a cool person and I was glad to get to know him.
He had always been the 'life of the party' no matter what he did.
I thought he would always be here to give us a good laugh if we were bored in AE or J-Fan...
I had always enjoyed listening to the interesting stories he would tell me,
like the nazi chair story... ^^'
And he was always there when I needed advice...
Or if I needed cheering up.
It was hard to resist laughing when he said stuff like...
"I burnt my hand playing with bottle rockets but all eyes are still intact so it is good."
Or, "I wish the illusionary ant would come back he was kinda shiny."
And the listening to his Monkey Song. :)
He was always making trouble and pissing people off, just for the fun of it.
He was good at that. :)
There were times even I got mad at him,
like when I edited his AV to tease him.
But he thought it was the funniest thing. ^^
He had actually kept it. ;_;

But I couldn't be mad for long because he would make me laugh.
Those were such good times. :)
I'm really going to miss him...
I'm sure he would be proud of all of us...
And he would be happy to know that so many people cared about him.
We'll never forget him.

"Time through the rain has set me free,
Sands of time will keep your memory"
- X Japan

This page goes out to all who knew him.

"I gaze fixedly at the sky with cold eyes
As if wondering you know the place you ought to return to..."
- Malice Mizer

"If you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day,
That you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss.
And today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight...

So hold your loved ones close today, whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them and that'll always hold them dear,
Take the time to say 'I'm sorry', 'Please forgive me', or 'It's okay'.
And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today"

Ryan, I was glad to have know you...
You were a great friend.
And I know you wouldn't want me to cry.
I was never able to say 'Goodbye', so I'll say it now.
Goodbye Ryan.
I'll never forget our good times.
- Li-chan

Ryan, you were my best friend.
I was not privilaged enough to hold that title, but you were.
To know you was to love you.
To be your friend...was to understand something about life.

Baezelbizzotch told me that "He could have been someone great...
He could have impacted the entire world if he wanted!"

But I smiled... and said to her that if she knew you as a friend,
she'd understand you were a great person, and you impacted so many people's worlds.
From you, I have learned so much.
From you, I understand so many things.
You were my best friend...

Ryan... this song is for you.
You once gave me the lyrics on paper when you let me borrow the CD.
Now, i'm giving them to you.

"What was it like to see the face of your own stability suddenly look away,
leaving you with the dead and hopeless?
Eleven and she was gone.
Eleven is when we waved good-bye.
Eleven is standing still,
Waiting for me to free him by coming home.
Moving me with a sound.
Opening me with a guesture.
Drawing me down and in, showing me where it all began, Eleven.
It took so long to realize that you hold the light thats been leading me back home.
Under a dead Ohio sky,
Eleven has been and will be waiting,
defending his light, and wondering...
where the hell have I been?
Sleeping, lost, and numb.
So glad that I have found you.
I am wide awake and heading home.
Hold your light, Eleven.
Lead me through each gentle step by step by inch by loaded memory.
I'll move to heal as soon as pain allows
so we can reunite and both move on together.
Hold your light, Eleven.
Lead me through each gentle step by step by loaded memory
'till one and one are one, eleven.
So glow, child, glow.
I'm heading back home."
- Jimmy, by TOOL

Glow, child, glow. I'm heading back home.
- Graham

Tabris did some crazy shit.
I'm sure this is how he'd want to be remembered, as a crazy guy.
You could tell after 5 minutes of talking to him that his goal in life was to enjoy it to the fullest,
because there might not be a tomorrow.
He's the one that taught me this.
I'm not going to talk about what a great person he was.
I'm going to talk about what a crazy loon he was.
That's what he'd want.
Tabris was my hubby, my friend, a side-kick, a hero to follow.
He was crazy alone, but together we did some really insane shit.
(You all remember the Guide orgy of '99?
That, in part, was thanks to our combined efforts.)
He had an avatar of the cookie monster!
He was willing to play a gay part just because it was crazy
and it confused the shit out of people when he called me 'hubby'.
I never really wanted that divorce anyway.
We almost shared a name, too. Ryan and Brian.
Heh, I remember him telling me about how his job was to chase gliders around in a van,
and he once did it stoned and ended up in another state or something.
Crazy.
There's a lot of crazy stuff out there.
Ryan was a big part of it, and I bet that's what he wanted.
Here's to you, Ryan. You brightened all our lives.
- Brian. (Your hubby, Ranma)

I’m not too good at this...
Tabris, you were a great friend man,
I truly consider myself lucky to have known you.
You taught me so many things, not only to live life to it's fullest...
But so many things, most of all to fuck everyone and do what YOU like doing.
I remember once, he told me something along the lines of,
"Hey as long as you’re happy then do whatever the fuck you want."
I dont remember exactly how it went, but those words stick with me.
I basically live by them, and I can say now that I am a lot happier than I used to be.
Tabris and I were close, he was like a brother to me, we had so much in common.
He will always be missed and remembered.
Tabby holds a special place in my heart,
and I can honestly say that I loved the guy.
It's friends like him that you dont find too often.
He was one of my best friends.
Tabris touched the lives of everyone he knew.
It was a blessing you could say to have known him.
He made everyones lives better, and he will always be loved and missed.
Tabby, wherever you are, we miss you man.
I know you’re watching over us...
I’ll always remember the stuff you told me and the times we’ve had together man.
- Ricky

Ryan, my dear friend...
Though you have departed us you are still dear to all the hearts you have touched.
I can remember hour after hour of brutal, "tag team" horseplay...
And the relentless teasing and hilarious punishment we put many a person into.
Like running off of the immortalized and hated "Keith"
or hovering the great "Tabris' outhouse" over Jowy's head...
I miss you lil bro,
Hell...I'll always miss you.
You and I had some of the best times in seclusion,
making fun of someone we know...
Poking fun at each other (a common).
We’ve poked fun at each other so much that some would think us enemies.
You, the life of the party,
You taught me the softer side of reality
and helped me to overcome my overwhelming serious side.
We had out moments, as all friends do,
but it always passed with a joke of one or another.
Of all my friends that have come and gone, you’re the one whom hit closest to home.
Time has a wicked way of confronting you,
and I find myself thinking back to past times we shared.
You, my friend...
I now find myself alone except for my love in the battle against my seriousness.
We, now find ourselves one soldier less than before in the great battle of life.
Now we find you with the angels you treasured so much in your life.
Don't be afraid to come and pay me a visit friend.
Heaven knows I need all the help I can get...
You will be dearly missed.
- James, The Lupine Soul... Dark§tranger of Lost Malevolence

Realize
Life isn't fair...In fact life sucks.
We're beaten, heart-broken, and then pretty much fucked.
Friends become enemies, hearts are torn in two,
It's all downhill from there, but I can move on because I have you.
You pull me out from the deepest of holes, you smile when I frown,
You're always here to talk to me when I'm feeling down.
But now something's happened, you're not here anymore,
I'm lost in pitch blackness, and without you I cannot endure.
I scream and throw a fist into the wall, tears streaming down my face,
I curl up against a wall, and in rage I throw a vase.
The vase shatters and I fall to the floor,
My heart feeling like it's been shot,
But then something hits me hard, and what I thought was gone is not.
I realize that you're not gone,
You're still here, crying along beside me,
You hate to see me so upset, knowing that you are someone I can't see.
But somehow I feel that same hand, which guided me all along,
It helps me up from the floor, and tells me to stand strong.
I finally see where I so blindly went wrong,
If I forget you, then you will truly be gone.
You meant so much to me, and I will never understand death,
But you know I'd gladly give my life, just to hear your breath.
But now I know you live within me and thus I can move on,
Because I'll never forget you, you'll never truly be gone.

Tabris, I never really knew you...
Hell, we've talked once or twice,
but I know God's taking care of you now,
and we can get to know each other in the afterlife.
Stay Cool
- Jeremy Fritz

I'm not really sure what to say...I'm still at a loss for words.
It wasn't the kind of thing you ever want to hear someone tell you...
I've seen things like this happen around me,
but it's never actually happened to a friend.
Ryan-sama was so dear to me.
He was one of the only people who could totally cheer me up by saying almost nothing.
There was a time when he mentioned having a baby scorpion for a pet.
The thought of him, of all people, doting over a little baby scorpion was just kinda cute.
Then there was the monkey poem...dear Lord,
I'll never forget how hard that made me laugh...
How he'd say "ah! No sex for you" if I didn't say hello,
and when he told me to always keep "my bitch" in check.*laughs*
I wonder if DS knew about that.*L*
There were also the times he defended me when people gave me hell.
I still have one of the things he said too.
"Yep! I love Arakune and wouldn't give her shit about it cause she will admit she is a girl,
and not go off trying to get in some lesbian girl's pants!
hahaha see my people love me? do you know why that is artimus?
cause I am a good loyal friend and don't lie to people
(well unless I am bored and it's funny!)
and they know I would get their back in the same situation!
see like this *hits Jowy upside his head for being a dick to Vice*"
I never forgot that.
Or our little names for each other.
He called me Homo-chan and he was my Tata-chan (or Nana-chan).
Well Tata-chan...I always counted on you to keep me up and tolerate life,
and I promise I won't stop because you're not here to make me laugh at the the stupid things.
You were a closer friend to me than I realized until now.
I loved you like a brother and I am totally going to miss you...
I don't have the heart to ever delete you from icq...
And everyday I still hope to see you on.
I can't begin to say goodbye..goodbye is so "final", so to speak.
But I'll never forget you, Ryan.
My Tata-chan, you were a great guy and you'll always have a place in my heart.
- Vice/Homo-chan

I can't believe Ryan's gone.
He's such a funny person.
He didn't deserve it.
I can name a few who deserve it, not him.
I don't know him offline, but I knew him online.
He was a funny guy.
And the thing I liked about him,
was that he pissed people off that got on his nerves and or messed with him :D
Those were the days...
I didn't even get to talk to him much last time I saw him in J-fan.
What makes me feel sad about this, is that the last time we had talked,
he sounded so happy.
In fact, I find it quite ironic, our last conversation ended in,
"bye Angel-chan."
he: "bye Bell :)"
I always called him Angel-chan, because it suited him,
being as Tabris in both AE and J-fan chat,
he was the most true and carefree person I have ever met.
One of the few I've met who are like that.
This poem, I wrote a year back.
I had it on my homepage once, in the main entrance.
This is in dedication to Angel-chan.

I'm a fallen angel from up above.
I came down to help you up.
Come with me,
On this day.
Hold my hand,
And I'll show you the way.
- Cristina de la Cruz(Bell)

To the memory of Ryan
Love, Li-chan(aka Smllady)

"There comes a time,
The last scene,
Where choices are made,
And the curtain falls..."
- LAREINE

Another small tribute...
Shit Happens

You are now listening to Protoman's Theme from Mega Man 3.