Chances are, you've seen one of the hundreds of Sailor Moon fan sites, shrines, or pages of worship lurking around every corner of the internet. They're all dedicated to what is apparently a terrific TV series... but... have you actually ever WATCHED this show? The sorry fact is, Sailor Moon sucks quite royally, and I'm here to tell you why.

This is an attempt to discredit the show and its fans... if you're a diehard Moonie and are likely to be offended/infuriated by such a page as this, I suggest you leave. You're only wasting your time here if you aren't willing to take a look at another side of the issue.

First of all, I've gotta clear a few things up. Many people have asked me (and other ISM members), why should any time be dedicated to something you don't like (essentially, what's the point of making a "hate" page)? Well, first of all, making your opinions heard doesn't always involve being positive about everything. If I want to make an a web page specifying why I don't like something, whatever that may be, a non-partisan third party would deem this reasonable. If a newspaper prints articles bashing really bad movies, no one is going to complain about that, except for the people who like the movie. See my point? Further, I would like to remind everyone that this isn't an argument against Japanese animation in general. I like anime.

Anyway, there are a lot of reasons I don't like Sailor Moon--too many to list, in fact, but I'll try. For starters, the characters are one-dimensional bimbos, lacking any depth or complex personality traits. Serena, supposedly some kind of freedom fighter, thinks mostly about food, shopping, and boys. Her personal life, which eats up a hefty percentage of each episode, is extremely boring, not to mention pointless. And let's not forget about her voice... it's one of the most annoying I have heard in my life, and the way she "switches" to a more serious tone is clumsy and ineffective. You may notice how she stumbles through each episode... well, that wasn't even funny the first time. For the main character of a popular TV series, she leaves a lot to be desired.

Serena--in a nutshell, she's pretty freakin' dumb.

Other Sailor "Scouts" (just who the hell came up with that?) are introduced as the show progresses. Sailor Mercury is your stereotypical braniac character: unrealistically smart, seems to lack common human weaknesses (which makes her character less and less relatable), and doesn't think about anything other than schoolwork... while maintaining a double-life... basically, this is a crock and you know it. How about Sailor Jupiter? A half-witted bully with a short temper. Gee, that's some real depth there... I could go on, but to summarize this point, I'll just say that the creators of this show should have spent a helluva lot more time developing worthwhile characters than adding squiggly lines and sweat bubbles.

Another thing I don't like about Sailor Moon is that it's not as original as it seems. Sure, the general atmosphere is somewhat unusual, but the actual content (if there is any) is mostly borrowed material from more popular titles. The events occurring in each episode are very routine, and most of the characters/occurrences parallel those of other popular shows and movies. The few signs of originality tend to be either misconceptions about American culture or mistranslated garbage. It's been done before; it's been done better.

The animation is obscure, and for the most part, utter crap. The animators must have been on crack when they drew in the facial expressions, and the dubbing job is extremely poor. One very bad habit seen throughout the series is the overuse of the same sequences over and over again (i.e. transformations; attacks). To me, this just seems like a lazy way to fill out a half-hour episode. It gets redundant.

Oh, and guess what else! The premise stinks. A bunch of ditsy teenaged girls reincarnated for their mission to save the universe from other-worldly fiends... nothing to write home about. I was equally unimpressed with Luna the talking cat, tracking down the "chosen ones" to help them fulfill their "destiny" (let's spell it out together... R-I-P-O-F-F). The episodes themselves are so blatantly predictable, it makes me want to smash my TV set. Watch Sailor Moon once, and you'll know what to expect for the next, oh, twenty episodes, until they change the villain or something.

The battle scenes are, in a word, awful. The Negaverse characters never seem to learn from their mistakes, so in classic Sailor Moon fashion, they come back for more without any thought of improving their gameplan. During the time that mild-mannered Serena becomes the almighty Sailor Moon, there is a one-minute window of opportunity for the Negaverse monsters to kick her ass. Instead, they stand and watch angrily. Brilliant... well, when the actual battle begins, the Negaverse party usually attacks first, ensuing a panic among the Sailor Scouts. Fortunately (?), no one is hurt. Now, one of two things is liable to happen: one, Tuxedo Mask arrives in the nick of time and uses his flower power to save the day. Yawn. Two, Sailor Moon summons enough brain cells to use her tiara (or whatever weapon happens to fit the time frame). The enemy falls in one or two blows. Kinda makes you wonder why she wasn't using that weapon from the start, doesn't it? These scenes remind me very much of the Power Rangers, which, in case you were keeping track, is a BAD thing... a very, very bad thing.

Each episode ends with an annoying little feature called Sailor Says. Very sad indeed... the "morals" taught by the all-knowing Sailor Moon are almost always completely unrelated to the episode at hand, and they couldn't even be bothered to use clips from the actual episode during Sailor Says, either. I mean, come on--Sailor Moon doesn't even pay attention to her own advice... why the hell should we?

The heroic phrases blurted out by the Scouts during battle are very gimmicky and often just act as a means of killing time. I wonder how long those writers spent thinking of sayings like, "in the name of the moon I will punish you"... five, ten seconds? Inexcusably cliche...

For those of you who watch the show because you find the Sailor Scouts attractive, get yourself some eyeglasses and a good porno magazine. Falling in love with a cartoon character (let alone a 14-year-old cartoon character) is seriously disturbed. I recently saw a commercial on television for Sailor Moon collectable toys from Bandai. The thought of anyone over the age of six owning these toys genuinely frightens me. If anyone reading this has any of these toys in their possession, I beg you to get your head examined. Believe it or not, though, there are twenty things SM toys are good for.

As for the theme song... well, I'll just say they should have stuck with the tune and decided against making any lyrics. For the most part, this theme song is incoherent. It sounds like they were talking about another Sailor Moon... lines like, "never running from a real fight" and "will never turn her back on a friend" really aren't applied anywhere in the show.

The dialogue makes my stomach hurt when I think about it. I haven't heard one phrase from this entire series that indicates some intelligent thought going on. What the characters are saying can always be taken at face value, though what they do say is usually irrelevant or poorly thought out. Take a look at the script for a Sailor Moon episode. Any kind of moral/societal question raised? Any thought-provoking comments? Can any emotional response be derived from this? Can anything be learned? No, I didn't think so. The show is both pointless and unentertaining. And yet, this half-assed excuse for an animated TV series is gaining popularity throughout North America. Hmmm.........

A lot of people tell me I don't understand Sailor Moon. This, my friends, is one of the single most sorry excuses in history. There is nothing--I repeat, nothing--not to understand about this show. If the storyline had any kind of depth, or the series was in any way unique or unconventional, or the characters' lives were somewhat involved or complicated, there would probably be aspects that I wouldn't understand, but to tell me this horse crap is beyond my comprehension is a joke.

And for those of you that think I have no right to insult or put down the ever-popular Sailor Moon, come down off your pedestal--this isn't the only program in the world that's ever been criticized... you're just going to have to live with the fact that I can and will exercise my right to contradict your opinions! 'Nuff said.