Hell on TV: The Sailor Moon story

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Generic Sailor Moon Plot

OK, this is the hard part.  Thanks to the massive anime piracy ring going around the net right now, I can get episodes from the show easily, but watching it is another thing. After watching the brief intro, with high pitched squeal talking and everything, I decided I'd better not.  Instead, I'll write down the subtitles and post the sound clip of the intro.  Just make sure you've got an empty stomach, and turn your volume WAY down.  Treble hurts.

WAV File
Translation (im not kidding, this is the actual subtitle):

"Relying on her wooden sword with hot mind
The pretty young warrior is dreaming of her bright future
Oh My!  Oh My!
Hey lady, don't you like your daughter?
Tearing out the heart of girl
Your a super nasty mom!
As pretty sailor soldiers, in the name of the moon
we'll punish you"

Generalized plotline:
Serena starts off doing some nutjob thing, like stealing food from little kids or running out of hairspray or something like that.  Some crazy stranger somehow becomes intertwined with Serena because of some stupid emotional problem that doesn't make any sense (think soap operas).  The supreme monarch of the negaverse tries to steal people's souls in order to take over Tokyo (using soul power), the victim usually being the emotional nutjob, sailor moon goes in and putzes around for 5 minutes (until she finally remembers she has the secret finish move, "tiara love magic") and turns the bad guy into a black bean,  or some crazy equivalent.  The whack-job somehow gets better, and everybody is la-de-da happy.  Now do it 82 times, and you've got a series.

This brief intro pretty much summarizes the entire damn show.  Emotional topics include just about everything (spousal violence, sick hospital patients, lesbians).  About the only thing I couldn't find is drug use.  Strangely enough, heavy drug use is the only thing that could make this show half interesting.  I think there's a connection there.

Most Sailor Moon fans say that the subtitled version is supposed to be better.  Next time somebody tells you that, push them into oncoming cars.  The plot doesn't suddenly get interesting because the voice actors are 5x as high pitched and annoying as the dubbed voices.  And trust me, the dialogue has little or nothing to add to this show, creatively.  Sailor Moon's dialogue only re-defines how badly similar this show is to a soap opera.  Soap operas are like the scum barrels of our society.  They introduce no real creativity or change, and only serve to take real life problems from crazy people and stereotype them.  Sailor Moon does an excellent job of that, though.  If you're writing a paper on why society is so lulled, uncreative and boring right now, start off with soap operas, and Sailor Moon.

REAL dialogue has an important part in films, which is something the creators of Sailor Moon sorely missed.  If you're looking for good anime, keep reading, I've wrote a small list of my favorites on my good anime page.